focus: tao, some implied chantao
rating: pg, some sexual references
summary: Tao discovers his grandmother used to be a well-known Seer. He proceeds to put his Divination abilities to the test. Somehow, this causes Chanyeol to think that Zitao wants to sleep with him.
notes: all my best fic ideas inevitably trace back to jixxapeg somehow js
|After Zitao discovers that one of his grandmothers used to be a rather well-known Seer in his fifth year, he decides to start putting his own Divination abilities to the test by attempting to read the fortune of all his friends. “I don’t believe in Divination, but you can try,” Minseok tells him, watching as Zitao traces the lines in his palm gently.
“Your love line is quite interesting,” Zitao says. “Your love may be unrequited for a long time, but don’t give up, Minseok! In the end, things will work out and you two will be happy for many years.”
Minseok doesn’t have the heart to tell him that his case is exactly the opposite, instead patting Zitao on the arm and replying, “Thanks, Zitao, that’s a relief.”
“No problem! Let me know if you want me to read more about your love life in the future, okay?” Zitao tells him happily.
In retrospect, Minseok thinks, maybe it would have been kinder to shut him down right then and there.
Chanyeol becomes Zitao’s first subject for astrological readings. “According to your star chart, Uranus will soon be crossing with Venus auspiciously,” Zitao informs him eagerly. “Uranus will fulfill its full potential before the month is out. I highly recommend that you set upon any endeavours that you have in mind before then.”
Chanyeol stares at him hard. “I haven’t even got the heart for a lewd joke, it’s just too easy,” he replies.
“There is nothing base about astrology,” Zitao says. Chanyeol sighs and walks away.
After going over tessamancy, Zitao ambushes Yixing and Lu Han at dinner and demands that he lets them read their tea leaves. Yixing kindly obliges, even though neither of them had been drinking tea in the first place.
“Are you sure about this?” Lu Han asks, watching as Zitao stares into the bottom of Yixing’s cup intently. “I don’t think I completely buy into this.”
“Divination is a recognized branch of Magical study,” Zitao insists, squinting into the teacup. “Wait, I think I see a... griffin? I’d be careful going in high places for a while, and of losing your belongings.”
Yixing turns the teacup counterclockwise. “I think that’s a unicorn, actually,” he replies.
“When does Yixing not need to be careful of losing his belongings?” Lu Han teases.
“But there’s also a sun motif, which means that the next few bets you make will be lucky,” Zitao continues, either oblivious to or ignoring the side commentary.
“Great, I’ll bet against you for the next House Quidditch match,” Yixing tells Lu Han.
Lu Han smirks. “Bring it, and prepare to treat me to a Sugar Quills next time we have a weekend in Hogsmeade.”
(Incidentally, Yixing wins, but he loses the next three bets he makes with Lu Han.)
For Joonmyun, Zitao pulls out his Tarot cards. “I’m confused,” Joonmyun says, interrupting Zitao’s twenty-minute monologue on the intricacies of the meaning of the Major Fortuna.
“Oh, it’s not confusing at all! See, it all has to do with the positions of the cards and your mindset as you pick them,” Zitao replies, pointing at The Fool. “See, like with this card -- if you place it here, it means that you desire a new beginning, but if you place it there, then it means that --”
Ten minutes later, Joonmyun looks distinctly uncomfortable, eyes darting back and forth as if looking for a route of escape. “I’m still confused,” Joonmyun whispers to himself, too scared that interrupting means Zitao will keep going on. When Kyungsoo passes by a few moments later, he immediately gets up and latches onto him, laughing nervously as he explains that they’d made plans to study together, such a pity, let’s finish this up next time maybe?
“Please don’t touch me,” Kyungsoo says stiffly as Joonmyun drags them both out of the Great hall as fast as possible.
“Why am I doing this again?” Chanyeol wonders aloud as he sits across from Zitao, a crystal ball on the table between them.
“Shh, be quiet. The mist is settling, and silence is needed for the images to feel comfortable enough to manifest in this plane,” Zitao murmurs.
Chanyeol resists the urge to roll his eyes. “Whatever,” he says.
“I see a snake,” Zitao says, squinting into the ball. “It’s slithering into a dark cave, all the way into the depths of it. But... yes, I can see it...! It’s coming back out again.”
Chanyeol’s mouth goes a little agape. “What the fuck am I listening to?” he says flatly.
“I don’t think that this will be a good month for your finances. I advise you against splurging on yourself, because you will definitely regret it,” Zitao informs him.
“I am absolutely certain that that’s what your snake imagery means. Bad financial luck,” Chanyeol replies sarcastically.
Zitao smiles. “You’re one of the few people who aren’t skeptical,” he informs Chanyeol cheerfully. “I like doing your fortune.”
(“Does Zitao have some strange, screwed-up crush on me or is he just a total weirdo?” Chanyeol asks Baekhyun later.
Baekhyun laughs. “Your ego knows no end, Chanyeol. You always think somebody wants to fuck you, don’t you?”)
After going over dream interpretations, Zitao quickly discovers that the art of reading dreams is quite possibly his favorite aspect of Divination. “Please tell me about what you dreamt last night, Kris,” he says.
Kris frowns. “I don’t remember my dreams very often, I think,” he replies.
Zitao shakes his head sadly. “Oh no, Kris,” he murmurs. “That’s the worst. People who don’t remember their dreams often will die lonely and full of regrets.”
“That’s not really true, is it?” Kris asks, tone mildly alarmed.
“Of course it’s true. Inigo Imago says so,” Zitao replies loftily.
“Uh, okay -- I think a few nights ago I dreamed about failing an exam?” Kris tries.
Zitao tuts. “Self-prophetic. Stop thinking about these things and you won’t fail.”
“I don’t know if I was just encouraged or not,” Kris mutters. Zitao, though, doesn’t hear.
After informing Jongin that his dreams indicate his pet dog will probably bite him (“I don’t have a dog?”), Jongdae that broomsticks are unlucky (“Well, then it’s a good thing I never rode one in my entire life”), and Sehun that his girlfriend will break up with him (“I don’t have... Zitao, I’m not really into... you know what, never mind”), the only one left with dreams to interpret is Chanyeol. “I actually can’t believe I’m doing this for, what, a third time?” Chanyeol says.
“Tell me about what you dreamed last night, please,” Zitao asks, and smiles.
Chanyeol sighs and begins bullshitting. “Okay, how about this. I dreamed that I was holding this gigantic, magnificent golden sword. And there was this huge, red apple that had fallen off of a tree. I picked up the sword and I stabbed the apple repeatedly, over and over until I felt quite satisfied in how utterly demolished that apple was. I ate the apple and then laid down in the shade of the tree, and I was very happy.”
Zitao frowns in concentration as he flips through The Dream Oracle. “Sword, apple, golden,” he mutters to himself. Meanwhile, Chanyeol has to bite his lip to prevent himself from dissolving into giggles.
“If it’s too complicated, then just go with your gut,” he says, struggling to keep his voice even.
A few more moments pass, and Zitao’s eyes light up. “I understand!” he exclaims, before his expression darkens. He pauses, looking uncertain of what to say next.
Chanyeol inches forward in his seat in anticipation. “Go on. I’m prepared for the worst.”
“I’m sorry,” Zitao finally says. “This is really hard for me to tell you, Chanyeol. But... that’s one of the worst omens possible. Just behind the Grim, in my opinion.” He grips Chanyeol’s shoulder solemnly. “It’s better I not tell you the details.”
“Are you fucking kidding me?” Chanyeol asks. “There is no way I could have loaded that dream with any more implied sexual imagery, and you’re telling me that means I’m gonna die or be maimed or something?”
“If you have any last wishes, I suggest that you carry them out now,” Zitao continues.
So Chanyeol reaches over and tears The Dream Oracle in half and tries not to relish in Zitao’s screaming too much.
- - -
focus: lu han, xiumin
notes: anons were talking about how koreaboo lu han would definitely be a muggleboo in the hp verse. therefore, i wrote about mugglelu discovering DBSK (laughs)
“Minseok. Hey, Minseok, who are these people?” Lu Han asks, picking up a case tucked away in the folds of Minseok’s suitcase. Their beds are so close to each other that he doesn’t even have to get up to be able to reach it, and Minseok is too distracted folding socks to notice Lu Han grabbing it until it’s already in his hands.
“That’s just a joke gift from one of my friends back home, don’t pay it any mind!” Minseok replies, attempting to snatch it away.
Lu Han, though, rolls over to the other side of his bed and grins. “I know what this is!” he announces. “I read about them in my Muggle Studies textbook. It is called a compact discus.”
“Disk,” Minseok automatically corrects. “And yeah, it is. Can you give it back now?”
“Who are the people on this cover?” Lu Han asks, turning it over to read the back. “This is written in Korean, isn’t it? They look kinda weird when they’re still like that, I bet they’re better-looking in motion.”
“Since when do you recognize Korean?” Minseok mutters, making a dive as a last-ditch attempt to get it back.
Lu Han laughs and waves it out of reach. “We’ve lived in the same room for like, four years now. It’d be a little sad if I couldn’t at least tell what language it was written in,” Lu Han says. “Seriously, just tell me. Or I’ll just use the googles to figure it out.”
“It’s just Google, you use Google,” Minseok replies. “It’s a pop band from Korea, that’s all. They sing and dance, and teenage girls think they’re hot, I guess.”
“I want this,” Lu Han announces. “Can I have it?”
Minseok stares for a few moments. “Knock yourself out.”
Three days later, Minseok comes back from his Arithmancy class to find a picture of Kim Jaejoong on the wall in front of Lu Han’s desk. “What’s up with that?” he says blankly.
Lu Han sits up on his bed, and the thought occurs to Minseok that Lu Han might’ve been lying there for god knows how long just staring at the picture. “Minseok! I listened to the CD that you brought back with you,” he says brightly. “I thought it was really good. Their name is DBSK, I found out.”
“I really regret letting you persuade me into bringing Muggle technology to school with me,” Minseok mutters. “Why is there a photo of one of them on our wall, though?”
“He’s good-looking, so I ripped it out of the album, enlarged it, and put it up,” Lu Han says. “Minseok, can you tell your friend to buy more of these discs? I want to listen to more of their songs.”
It’s a phase, Minseok tells himself. Lu Han has them all the time. First he was obsessed with Muggle football, then it was with reality television. For a few weeks, it was with video games, and then it was followed up by a stint of obsessive manga reading. “Muggle popular culture is fascinating,” he’ll say. “If only Wizarding culture was so rich!” Minseok has long since given up on attempting to explain that it’s all a matter of perspective, and just waits for the inevitable burn-out. “Okay, I guess,” he replies.
But about a week later, he wakes up and Junsu’s eyes stare back into his. “What the hell,” he says, and it takes a second or two for him to shake off the shock and look around the rest of the room. The walls around Lu Han’s bed are covered with pictures, and they’ve begun to invade Minseok’s space. He sighs and reaches over to shake Lu Han awake.
“It’s Saturday,” Lu Han mumbles, swatting blindly in the air. “Go away.”
“Nope. Lu Han, I need to stage an intervention,” he says, shaking harder.
Lu Han makes a noise that sounds like something the Giant Squid would make, but pulls himself into a sitting position. “What do you want?” he asks, rubbing at his eyes.
“Your infatuation with DBSK is getting out of hand,” Minseok says, using his best ‘patient best friend’ voice. “Just look around the room, Lu Han. Look at it.”
“I already looked at it plenty last night. What about it?”
Minseok sighs. “Do you really not see something wrong here?”
“I’m going back to bed,” Lu Han says.
Before he can, though, Minseok grabs Lu Han’s shoulders, takes a deep breath, and steels himself. “I didn’t want to have to do this to you, but it’s for your own good,” he says. “Lu Han. DBSK... already disbanded.”
The look in Lu Han’s eyes almost makes him regret it, but when he comes back from breakfast to find their dorm happily returned to normal, he decides not to.